Karl just asked me why I hadn’t approved any of the comments from my recent posts. I had no idea I had any comments. Thank you so much for all the support and lots of it from people I’ve never met! Those who are calling me an “amazing mom” are my family. They have to say that. I really appreciate all the comments both here and on Facebook.
For quite a while before I wrote my first post about Mara’s autism I felt like I was hiding something. Our family and close friends knew about her diagnosis, but I didn’t share it with acquaintances and certainly not on Facebook. Of course, I didn’t have to share anything. It is something very personal and really no business of anyone else’s. As time went on, though, I started to feel guilty. I kept posting things on Facebook about the cute things Reese would say. Every time I did, I thought, “People are going to wonder why I never post anything about Mara.” I wanted to talk about her, too, because I was (and am) so proud of her, but I didn’t know what to say. Then we got the grant from Imagine A Way and I wanted a way to keep them up to date on Mara’s progress. We also wanted a way to keep Karl’s family updated since they live far away. When I finally did decide to tell the whole world (AKA, Facebook) it felt great to finally talk about our awesome kiddo.
Since writing the Autism Sucks post and receiving so many nice comments, I’ve been asking myself why I am doing this again. I’ve come up with a list and I think I’ve decided that the pros outweigh the cons. Pros: 1) It gives me the opportunity to share Mara’s progress with our family and Imagine A Way.
2) It gives me a place to look back to when I forget how far we’ve come. 3) It gives me something to do other than laundry, dishes, cleaning and you know, my full-time job of caring for our children. It is good for me to remember how to write a complete sentence with words that have more than 3 letters. 4) Maybe, just maybe, I will say something that will help one other mother know that she is not alone. Cons: I can only think of one. I am afraid of exploiting Mara. I am not looking for affirmations. I am no more “amazing” than any other mom who does all she can for her kids. I’m just looking for an outlet. I do like writing and I am glad that a few people enjoying reading my writing. I just want to make sure that if I continue to write it will be for the right reasons. If I ever do say or do anything that in any way makes this a selfish venture, someone please call me on it!
Oh and last thing…if any of you who commented and say that you “get it” live in Austin, please tell me. I really, really want a friend in a similar boat to have a drink (or two) with.