My grandma would have been 91 years old today. She has been gone for 4 1/2 years now, but I still miss her every day. She died on Reese’s 2nd birthday. Mara was only 2 months old. She never got to meet Stella. It hurts my heart that my girls don’t remember her, but I certainly do. Grandmas are a lot different than moms. They don’t have to discipline us, they get to buy us whatever we want and they think we are perfect. Just ask my girls how they feel about Nannie. I remember many things about her, but what I remember most is the way she used to rub my arms. She would run her fingers down my arm as lightly as possible. My siblings were all too ticklish to let her do it, but I loved it! I would even ask her to do it when I was in my 20s and she would say, “Oh Amy, that’s so silly.” And then she would do it anyway. She always called me, “dear.” She would always buy me a game or a puzzle when I was sick so I would have something to do while I stayed home. I watched the Young and the Restless and Guiding Light with her. I miss her.
I talk to my grandma all the time. When I am having a rough day, I talk to her. On more than one occasion, when Mara has had a particularly bad meltdown, I’ve held her tight, stroked her arm like my grandma used to do to me and asked my grandma to help me. I kid you not, it works. At our church there are 4 windows in the dome above the altar. They are the only windows in the church that are not covered with stained glass. My grandma watches me through those windows. I know how that must sound, but it’s true. When I sit in church and actually have a moment to pray instead of wrangling children, I look up into those windows and I know that she is watching me. I feel a warmth and a peace that I just don’t feel any other time. She is my guardian angel.
This post will be short because I just don’t have the time to continue crying right now. Lunch needs to be made. I just wanted to write this today to say Happy Birthday Grandma. I miss you.